


he said anything (she said up there baby)

by Missy



Category: Laverne & Shirley (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Anilingus, Begging, Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus, Episode Related, Episode: s04e02 Playing the Roxy, Hand Jobs, Humor, Makeup Sex, Multi, Sloppy Makeouts, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:34:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26388751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: The boys would do anything to get Shirley to forgive them after they took advantage of her during her Roxy La Toure-based fugue state....
Relationships: Laverne DeFazio/Lenny Kosnowski, Laverne DeFazio/Shirley Feeney, Laverne DeFazio/Shirley Feeney/Lenny Kosnowski/Andrew "Squiggy" Squiggman, Shirley Feeney/Andrew "Squiggy" Squiggman, Shirley Feeney/Andrew "Squiggy" Squiggman/Lenny Kosnowski
Comments: 8
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

“Aww, come on, Shirl,” Lenny whined. He was kneeling there in his work coveralls, shooting her puppy dog glances. He didn’t seem to realize that that was the sort of thing that only worked on Laverne, and that the Roxy Incident – which was what she and Carmine had called the fuge state when she’d believed herself to be Roxy LaToure, a possibly fictional stripper and nearly stripped her clothing off for Lenny and Squiggy’s lodge buddies – had cut her far more deeply than anyone seemed to understand.

It hadn’t been enough for her that the boys had lost their lodge memberships. She wanted it to get through their thick skulls that they’d hurt her. “Leonard,” she said calmly, putting her milk down on the table before her, “I am very mad with the two of you. I’m going to STAY mad at the two of you for a very long time. That is the wage of this particular sin, and you’re both going to have to deal with it.” 

Squiggy glanced over at Lenny and elbowed him. The two of them had humbled themselves in public to this woman, and she still wasn’t caving in. The nerve of the broad! “We’ll well do anything if we could make things go back to the way they was!” Squiggy vowed. “We’ll wash your car! We’ll kiss your feet! We’ll eat you out!”

Shirley glared at him. “What?” 

“Whatt’re you trying to do, Squig?” Lenny muttered at him out of the corner of his mouth.

“Get us out of the birdhouse and keep her from telling the Big Raccoon what a big mess we made while she thought she was someone else! Now shaddup!” he hissed back. 

“What in the world makes the two of you think I’d EVER let you see me naked after what the two of your did to me?”

“Uh…” Lenny said. 

“Because,” Squiggy said. “You don’t even have to get naked! We can get you off while you stay fully hymenated!”

Lenny shot his best friend a look. A look that suggested the idea was incredibly dumb AND that he wasn’t sure he could hold up his end of the bargain. 

“Please, Shirl. I can’t take the angry treatment no more! People at the Pizza Bowl keep spitting on our shoes! I’m losin’ respect everywhere I go! Laverne punched me in the face yesterday and I didn’t do nothing to her!”

“She didn’t punch me,” Lenny said.

“That’s ‘cause the last time she punched you you cried like a little girl!” Squiggy said.

“Did not!” Lenny yelled.

“Did!” 

“BOYS!” Shirley yelled, drawing far too much attention to them in the crowded breakroom. She laughed nervously and pretended to tuck a lock of hair underneath her bandana. “If you’re nice to each other, we can work this out. PERHAPS. IN PRIVATE!”

“Y’mean alone? In your place?” Squiggy said, finally getting up – and helping Lenny to get up, nearly causing the poor boy to trip over his own feet.

“Oh, Laverne will be there too,” Shirley said. Lenny bit his palm, causing her to roll her eyes as they walked away. 

She suppressed a snicker. Those poor boys had no idea what Shirley had in store for them…


	2. Ground Rules

Shirley knew they were serious about this when they knocked on her front door before entering.

The suits were a nice touch, Shirley thought, but she was more amused than anything else by the fact that they’d brought carnations and a box of chocolate with them. 

“Hello, Shirley Feeney,” Squiggy said, his mouth so widely spread in a grin it looked like a rectus smile. “We are proud to be allowed once more within your humble abode.”

“Please take these chocolates! We didn’t stick our fingers in any of them.” Lenny said, thrusting it and the carnations forward.

Shirley winced and took them, handing the boxes over to Laverne. “Thank you. Come on in, have a seat.” The boys sat down, and didn’t even put their shoes on the coffee table.

“Well,” she said, “I know you’re serious about making up with me.”

“We’ll do anything, Shirl,” Lenny said.

“Except the dishes,” said Squiggy.

“Trust me,” Shirley said. “I’m not going to allow you to handle my delicates.” 

“That’s not what you told me,” Laverne said. She’d plopped down on the easy chair when the boys had entered. 

“We’ll do anything, Shirl! We’ll cook for you, we’ll clean up, we’ll file your toenails…” Lenny said.

“Ew.” Shirley’s expression turned nervous, and she began to pace. “Well, in case you didn’t notice, something about being Roxy awakened something fresh in me. I certainly don’t want to reward Carmine with the satisfaction of testing them out with him. So I thought, perhaps, that the two of you might be able to help out with that.”

When she glanced back at the boys they were watching her with open mouths. “How’s this supposed to be bad news?” Squiggy asked. “You gonna kick us when we’re done.

“It means,” Shirley said. “That neither of you are going to enjoy this. No touching yourselves, and Laverne and I won’t be touching you either.”

“Yeah, that’s a hot scoop,” Lenny said.

“Shut up,” Laverne said. “You get to touch Shirl a little, make her feel good, and she’s gonna learn about what she likes without going all the way or giving Carmine anything he don’t deserve. You’re lucky you rescued me from that jerk Biff and I owe you a favor.” She narrowed her eyes. “The two of you barely deserve it, too. If you so much as touch her without her…”

“Relax, I ain’t doing nothing,” Squiggy said.

“Why do you want us to do this?” Lenny asked. 

“We told you. It’s a punishment,” Shirley said firmly.

“And a reward,” Laverne confirmed.

“A punishward,” Shirley said. “Ground rules - no putting anything where I don’t want it to go. Try it once, and we’ll tell Laverne’s father you were the ones breeding rats in the dumpster outside the Pizza Bowl.” Both boys winced at the notion of that coming out. “Listen to us when we tell you no or more or how much. Your pants stay on unless we unzip them.”

“So how do we start?” Squiggy asked.

“Like this,” Shirley said, and bent forward to kiss his face.


	3. Chapter 3

Squiggy made a high-pitched sound of confusion at Shirley’s sudden passion. They’d kissed a number of times before, but never with such blatant enthusiasm from her. His hands awkwardly palmed her back for purchase while Shirley suddenly kissed the life out of him, her tongue clearly pressed between his lips. Squiggy surrendered to all of it, let Shirley control the motion, and didn’t move from the kiss until she took one of his pudgy hands and placed it on her flat chest.

Laverne watched in bemused silence – the way she’d watched her Uncle Fungi do the chicken dance at her Cousin Caroline’s wedding. Only this was somehow more fascinating, and a little sexy. Squiggy roughly groped Shirley’s breast and she pulled away and shoved him back.

“No,” she said firmly.

He blinked at her, and then stuck out his jaw, held up a fist like he was a boxer. She held up both of hers – and then shocked him quiet by straddling his lap. Squiggy made another incredulous sound and she grabbed him by his greased head and kissed him quiet again. Laverne watched their tongues play pinochle in Squiggy’s right cheek and wondered if she should get up and make herself a milk and Pepsi while they got through with the preliminaries. 

That was when Lenny – tentatively, as if he were always afraid that he was going to be slapped away – placed his hand upon her knee.

“No, Lenny,” she said, knowing the power of those words, and knowing he’d instantly obey them. He did, pouting and sinking back onto his side of the couch in his suit, squirming uncomfortably.

“Why not?” he whined shrilly. 

Laverne was reminded for the millionth time why, for all the many occasions where she and Lenny had gone out, it had never gone further than that. He was wild and childish and smelly…but he was also kind and cared about her. Ugh. She tended to shove his feelings for her into the bottom of her emotional junk drawer, promising she’d sort them out later but never getting there. “Because this is about the two of you making it up to Shirley, not you and me doing whatever you want to do to me.”

“I don’t mind, Laverne,” Shirley said. “Go ahead and have fun. I’m not close to ready yet, and Leonard knows how to treat you like a lady, doesn’t he?” she wondered, walking her fingers through the chest hair whirling out over the top of Squiggy’s good shirt.

“Come on, Laverne,” Lenny begged her, grabbing her hand, pleading with her. “I won’t do nothing you don’t ask me to do either.” His big blue eyes were wide and desperate, and his hand squeezed down around hers so frantically that Laverne worried Lenny would squash her fingertips.

“Will you still stop if I say no?” Laverne had some notion that she wouldn’t say no to him tonight. Squiggy on the other hand.

He let out an animal moan of passion as Shirley screwed up his hair, still somehow ladylike though she was perched on Squiggy’s knee.

Lenny nodded wildly. “You know I will.”

“Okay, then,” Laverne said, and leaned back into Lenny’s kiss. 

They both became so thoroughly enmeshed with one another – the play-tease of each other’s mouths, the heat of their bodies, the feeling of his skinny, soft-skinned body in her arms – that they barely heard Shirley’s request.

“Andrew, help me with my bra.”


	4. Chapter 4

“Yes’m,” said Squiggy. Apparently he was stunned into silence by Shirley’s aggressiveness, or he really liked tough, forward women. Either way, he managed to unclasp her bra single-handedly, and Shirley shimmied out of it. 

“Well,” she said, trying to put on a sexy pose, “what do you think?”

Squiggy’s brows knit together and he stared at her chest. “What happened to the rest of you?”

Shirley socked Squiggy right in the shoulder, which caused him to go into a pugilist’s stance. 

“Hey, no punching,” Laverne said, even though Lenny was sucking on her neck and trying to figure out where to put his hands during their make out.

“What?!” Squiggy snapped at Shirley. “They just felt bigger when I was feeling ‘em up, that’s all.”

“I was wearing a padded bra, you moron!” Shirley snapped.

Squiggy stuck out his jaw. “I have been called the scum of the loom. I have been told that I make little children cry. I have even been told that the dogs bay at the light of the moon when they smell my flesh in the air! But you, Shirley Feeney! You have wounded me!”

“Squig, shut up and suck on her nipples,” Lenny groaned. Laverne had rolled him underneath her and was nibbling his neck and he was trying to dry hump her thigh, but she had his hip pinned under one of her knees.

“I ain’t taking orders from you!” Squiggy said.

“For the love of murgatroyd,” Shirley glowered. She grabbed Squiggy by his greasy head, and then groaned when he latched on. 

The room filled with the sound of heavy breathing. Shirley bit her lip, little birdlike moans coming from her mouth, while Laverne and Lenny necked on the other side of the couch.

“What about you?” Lenny asked, kissing the side of Laverne’s neck. She just took his hand and led it up the bottom of the angora sweater she was wearing. Lenny let out a squeaking sound, and Laverne started to tug on his tie. 

“Don’t bite them, for heaven’s sake!” Shirley critiqued. Then a little groan. “That’s…better.”

Laverne shivered as Lenny teased instead of plucked her nipples. His lovemaking was of the timid sort - the eager-to-please sort. She had to direct him, which Laverne realized with a start she liked better than she thought she would.

Thus did the makeouts continued apace, hearts in throats and moans filling the air. 

When Squiggy’s hand snuck up Shirley’s skirt, she didn’t even think to tell him no.


End file.
